The Art of the Apology

Knowing how and when to apologise is quite an art in Japan. Of course there are different levels of apology depending on what has happened and who is involved. The sight of a company president bowing low to the ground with his fellow directors is not all that unusual when some scandal or other wrongdoing has been committed by someone in the company. Yet, even in the midst of daily life, there is much bowing and exchanging of set phrases which are unconnected to any grave misdemeanour. If you have been a bother to someone, or caused them trouble, or been an inconvenience, then it would be appropriate to express your apology. Often there are exchanges of apology over what might seem quite trivial matters. An apology is not necessarily anything to do with who is right and who is wrong. This is a culture that values harmony and the right words expressed in the right way at the right time can put the relationship on even keel again. Just last night another mother bringing back Calum from a football match bumped her car just as she was dropping Calum off. There were no injuries and little damage to either car but the police were called and the two drivers went about the business of sorting things out, with much bowing and exchange of apologies. David went out too as one of our children had been in the car and was able to apologise for Calum having been in the car. Later there were exchanges of texts and a phone call from the other mother with a mutual exchange of apologetic language. Getting all of that right in this culture is so hard. We usually find it is better to err on the side of caution and just apologise anyway. We're always learning.